Sunday, November 25, 2012

Are you teaching your child to cry?

Stop and think about your interactions with your child. 

 In the last day or so, what did you tell your child to do or not do the most?  How did they respond? 

As you know, parenting is the hardest job out there.   

 Through my journey I have found that being consistent is hard to do 100% of the time.  I, along with many parents fall back to what I call accidental parenting.  We react to our children in a way that sometimes causes us to create bad habits or undesirable behaviors from our children.   Recently I’ve been reading and researching more about why we behave the way we do.   Dr. Bruce Lipton shares “If you find yourself blowing up at your kids and you don't know why, it may be your subconscious beliefs which most of us don't realize run 95% of our lives (according to the latest scientific research).” So if that’s the case and we are responding from our subconscious, we need to make a conscious and intentional change in our parenting.

So first you need to admit and become aware of how you are responding so you don’t continue to react to your children.  Be conscious and intentional in what you say to your children.  This can be very challenging, but is also freeing when you do make the transition. 

Say what you mean. 

 When you say yes, mean yes, when you say no, mean no and then, follow thru.   But really try to say yes more often!   Children need us to be clear in our expectations.   When we are gray and unsure of what we expect from them we could actually be causing more crying with younger infants and more whining with older children. 

When we choose to use the word no, it should be to set a firm and loving boundary.  We want to use no in order to keep our child safe, but not overuse it so they tune it out. 

Here’s how you can begin making the change in your home.  Let’s take a lesson from the lifeguard at your pool.    What they are telling children that are running along the poolside?  They blow the whistle and say “WALK”.  If they chose to say “don’t run,” children will typically hear- RUN.  No one likes to hear what they can’t do, so by simply reframing it, tell your child what they CAN do!  

Consistency in parenting is the most difficult.

 It takes time, practice, and patience with ourselves and our children.  Take a moment to practice and share your “don’t” or “can’t “below and reframe it to your DO or CAN for your child!