Building Trust and Security with our Children

“I feel like I’m damaging my child.” 

“I feel like my child is mad at me.”

“My child feels like I am abandoning him/her.”

 “My child is sad.  I am sad.”

“My child wants to be with me all of the time and I just need a break.”

These are statements I hear from parents who love their child more than anything, but are frustrated and are at their wits end right now when it comes to parenting.  Are they wrong for feeling this?  Most definitely not!  We are all entitled to have feelings and express our emotions.  When we suppress these feelings and emotions, it can cause us to have a negative attitude toward our child or disconnect from our child.  That is what you don’t want to do. 

The most supportive and loving parents reach out for support and look to add to their parenting toolbox to help them through this journey of parenting. 

Listening to the families I support I created The Loving Connections, Secure Attachments seminar.  At different ages and stages our children have different needs so there are two sessions: The First SixYears or Elementary and Beyond.

In each seminar, you’ll learn how to use techniques to instill positive, healthy behaviors that will continue to build the relationship of trust and security.   The Loving Connections, Secure Attachments will help parents learn and answer your questions about:

• The number one secret to good sleep and easy parenting
• Build trust and security- no programs or extra stuff
• How to become intentional and have quality interactions with your child every day
• How to start ongoing conversations with your child
• What can I do or say so my child will always talk to me and come to me when they have a problem?
• How to build in “quality time ins” without adding to your day
• Strategies and tips you can implement immediately
• How to defuse potentially difficult situations such as tantrums and power struggles throughout your day

 Click here to register for the upcoming FREE webinars! 

Parents will learn about expected behaviors by age and a wide range of ways to solve common issues. Fewer battles, better listening, restful sleep, more peace!   Discover the secret ingredient for a lifelong connection with your child to enjoy the parenting journey!

Learn how to build these Loving Connections, Secure Attachments from the comfort of your home.  Can’t make it to the scheduled time of the seminar?  No problem- once you are registered for the designated seminar you will receive a recording and access to all the materials shared in the session.  

#1 Sleep Secret- Get to bed early.

During the first 6 years of life, children are wired to wake early and go to bed early.  It’s important for children to get the quality and quantity of sleep they need.  Not only does it help them have a better day and night, it helps build their memory, immune system, and developmental needs for these formative years of their life.

Of course this is easier said than done; however a few little changes in your daily routine could be enough to create a healthy habit of getting all the sleep you need. 

Create quality sleep by examining your sleep environment.    Keep the room dark with darkening shades or even just a dark sheet in the window and use a sound machine.  These positive sleep associations help promote the body’s natural melatonin process to help create tired and sleepy children.  Restorative sleep is achieved when our child is sleeping in their crib, bed, or pack n play.  Keep sleep in swings and car seats to a minimum, otherwise you might create a sleep crutch of your child needing motion to sleep.

Up until age 9, children need to get a solid 10-11 hour period of sleep to get the quantity of sleep they need.   The exception to this is of course is during the first months of life when calories by nursing or bottle feeding are necessary for your child’s growth and development.  But usually around 6-9 months of age, your pediatrician may share that your child is growing and developing well and should be able to sleep through the night. 

When you create consistent bedtimes and wake times you help regulate your child and their natural body clock - the circadian rhythm.  By observing your child and following their sleepy cues (yawning, eye rubbing, ear tugging, zoning out) you can help them get to bed during their natural sleep window when there is a deep pressure for sleep.   What happens when we miss this sleep window is that children will get their “second wind” and are on an adrenaline rush from cortisol.  This is usually when the bedtime battles occur, sleep deficits take place, and children may misbehave, meltdown during the day, and may not be as adaptable as they could be.   Some children that do not get the quality and quantity of sleep may show symptoms similar to those of children with ADD/ADHD. 

Getting to bed early may sound counter intuitive and may not make logical sense.  Most of us think, if I keep my child up, they will sleep in later.   Most children during these first 6 years of life will still wake up at the same time between 6-7am regardless of what time they went to bed.  What most parents will find that for children that are sleep deprived and don’t get the hours of sleep they need, their child may actually wake more frequently during the night and wake up ready to start their day before 6am. 

If bedtime is a battle in your home, it’s possible that your child may be telling you that they can’t handle anymore.  Aim to have children in bed and asleep between 6:30 and 7:30pm to get the quality and quantity sleep they need so they can restore and be ready to explore, learn, and grow the next day.  Remember, sleep begets sleep.  

Bedtime Routines

Bedtime routines work

And could be the answer to end your bedtime battles. No matter what age your child is- a bedtime routine provides a positive way to end your child’s day.  The hope is that you and your child will look forward to this special time together each and every night to connect and reflect on the day you had- plan for the next wonderful day you are given.

What can you include in the bedtime routine? 
 This is what our routine looks like at our house for my 6 and 4 year olds:

• Tubby time- or wash cloth bath on nights when we eliminate the bath
•  Brush teeth
• Get PJ’s on
• 2 books- one for each child
• Prayers
•  Last call for water and potty break
•  Lights Out
•  Special story for those who nap
•  Snuggle time with each boy individually- they usually get to ask 3 questions to end their day
• Covers and Night Night time

What I have found is that when you fill your child’s need to be held, cuddled, and listened too- sleep happens very easily.  Our routine typically starts around 6:30 and can take from 30-45 minutes, so be sure to plan that accordingly with your child’s actual sleep time.  This is one of the secrets to a good night of sleep.  Parents who try to rush bedtime will find it will backfire on them and will end up being a longer process than they intended

Some last notes on creating the bedtime routine:

• Give your child some choices: would you like to wear your Dora or Barbie jammies?   Do you want to put your pants on or mommy? Would you like to brush your teeth standing or sitting? Do you want to pick our story or daddy?  Would you like me to wash your left or right arm first?  Having fun and providing these simple choices will give your child the control they want, give you a child ready for bed with limits and boundaries everyone can live with-that’s a win-win bedtime routine. 
• Keep it positive to help promote good thoughts- sweet dreams. 
• If your child has a fear of the dark or monsters- use a night light, include a nightly room check for monsters, some people like to use a monster spray, and/or throw the bad dreams away.   Most of these strategies will work with your preschool aged child.  
• Create a special thing that you do with your child.  It’s okay and actually great when mom and dad have their own little thing they do.   
• As your child gets older, your snuggle time might be the time your child opens up to you to share some of his or her school wins and losses from the day.  She/he may clue you in on some life challenges they are experiencing.  You want to begin to open this form of communication now so when they are in the tween and teen years you already have this time and trust built with your child and they will want to share with you.  

Bedtime once upon a time ago -3 years ago to be exact- was a nightmare in our home.  It was the last thing I looked forward to- but now- I love it and can’t wait to have that special time with Connor and Bailey. 

Help, My baby won't sleep!

Are you wondering why your baby won't sleep?  of can't sleep?

Join me from the comfort of your home on March 16, 2012 which is International Sleep Day for a FREE teleconference to help your baby, toddler, or preschooler get the sleep they need.

Learn the reasons why your child might not be sleeping and what you can do to make changes to your child's sleep habits when you understand the science of sleep.

Have a sleep question? Bring it to the discussion.

Join me for this FREE event by registering at http://bit.ly/A6c4q0